Coldplay’s "Kaleidoscope EP" Review: Completely Lacking Color

Coldplay Kaleidoscope EP review

The EP starts off with a strong groove and Chris Martin’s weathered vocals slightly raspy—at 40, is he starting to show some signs of age?

Then the piano kicks in and we’re back in the land of the saccharine, which has been Coldplay’s modus operandi for most of its career. The melodrama only escalates, with a cheesy guitar solo as Martin repeatedly croons, “All I can think about is you.”

“Miracles” is a cheap paperback airport self-help book in a pop song. Big Sean’s verse is the most notable part of the track, but even that can be summed up as him essentially saying, “being working class sucks, thank God I’m rich and famous now…and you can be too if you work hard enough!”

Which, of course, for the extreme majority of people, is complete BS. Then Martin comes back to hammer the point home, again with a chorus that repeats ad nauseum: 

Yeah you can be someone special
You’ve got fire in your eyes
I see heaven inside of you
Go further than we’ve ever gone
In you I see someone special
You’ve got fire in your brains
You can break through those chains
You’ll go higher than we’ve ever gone
Just turn it on

Has American-style bootstraperism infected the UK so deeply that its most well-known pop stars now advocate for it in pseudo-inspirational verse?

Coldplay band

Apparently so. Don’t worry, kids, according to Coldplay, as long as you work hard you’ll be just like Chris Martin or Big Sean.

“A L I E N S” tells us some sort of poorly put together sci-fi story, complete with twinkling guitars. 

Then, seemingly because they needed to fill an entire EP, there’s a live performance of “Something Just Like This” by Coldplay and The Chainsmokers, in which the best part is hearing the entire crowd sing along, because it’s always nice to hear a lot of people singing together. 

The EP closes with a lullaby, “Hypnotised (EP Mix),” which is probably fitting because at this point the listener craves nothing more than unconsciousness.

Stream/Download "Kaleidoscope" EP by Coldplay on iTunes