I am sure you were all as crushed by the recent news that Kid Cudi had himself institutionalized for depression and suicidal urges, but we need to step outside ourselves and realize how important and brave this move really was.
Massive, unyielding, unwavering, props to Scott Mescudi, first and foremost. In a time when rappers shout about the things they own, how big their dick is, and how powerful they are, masking clearly massive insecurities by overcompensating, Kid Cudi comes out and does the bravest thing I have ever seen a musician do. He straight up told his fans he is depressed and has been fighting suicidal urges (on the regs) and needed to stop and get help. This is a huge moment, because we live in a world where, black or white, female or male, we are told to push those feelings down and ignore them and not even talk about them out loud because they are so taboo that they make some people piss themselves. Well, maybe we needed someone like Kid Cudi for this. Someone brave enough to step and up and say out, loud “hey ya’ll, I am sad and cannot fix this on my own” to wake the rest of us up to be just as brave and honest. You know what? I’ve been there, too. Tried to take my own life at 27, razor to my neck. But here I am. Years later, alive and thriving. And you want to know what helped? Ironically, his music helped saved my life because he sung from the rusted soul of a wounded man. Made me realize I wasn’t as alone in that darkness as I thought I was. Now HE is in that same darkness, surrounded. So maybe it is time WE step up and try to do the same thing for him and others like him.
Seems only right. One hand holds another, only to be saved itself, later on by the very same hand it once held. Circle of life shit.
By the way, Cudder = Cudi fan, not a “cutter” who self-harms, just so we are all on same page.
First Off, We Get It (as Much As We Can, Anyway)
To anyone who is a true fan of Kid Cudi’s music, it is there. The torment, the demons, and the pain. I can give examples right off, without even having to listen to anything.
“What would you do if you heard the news that I was dead?”
“All along I knew I was meant to be alone, out here on my own..”
“No one wants a troubled boy, leave alone that troubled boy…”
“Tried it all, I can’t stop this internal bleeding, and my heart is leaking out...and it hurts..”
“My Mom’s calling, think I should hit decline on the face while I’m thinking ‘about suicide.”
Those just being a handful of lyrics taken from varied albums and singles, but the pain was there and it was always palpable to those of us who had a soul. I even tried tweeting at dude once or twice to make sure he was okay, but you know how that world is. You cannot show weakness. Which is what makes his Facebook post and depression declaration even more profound.
For those who may have missed it, here is the post from Kid Cudi’s Facebook page from last week, word-for-word:
It's been difficult for me to find the words to what I'm about to share with you because I feel ashamed. Ashamed to be a leader and hero to so many while admitting I've been living a lie. It took me awhile to get to this place of commitment, but it is something I have to do for myself, my family, my best friend/daughter and all of you, my fans.
Yesterday I checked myself into rehab for depression and suicidal urges.
I am not at peace. I haven't been since you've known me. If I didn't come here, I would've done something to myself. I simply am a damaged human swimming in a pool of emotions everyday of my life. There's a raging violent storm inside of my heart at all times. Idk what peace feels like. Idk how to relax. My anxiety and depression have ruled my life for as long as I can remember and I never leave the house because of it. I can't make new friends because of it. I don't trust anyone because of it and I'm tired of being held back in my life. I deserve to have peace. I deserve to be happy and smiling. Why not me? I guess I give so much of myself to others I forgot that I need to show myself some love too. I think I never really knew how. Im scared, im sad, I feel like I let a lot of people down and again, I'm sorry. It's time I fix me. I'm nervous but ima get through this.
I won't be around to promote much, but the good folks at Republic and my manager Dennis will inform you about upcoming releases. The music videos, album release date etc. The album is still on the way. Promise. I wanted to square away all the business before I got here so I could focus on my recovery.
If all goes well i'll be out in time for ComplexCon and i'll be lookin forward to seeing you all there for high fives and hugs.
Love and light to everyone who has love for me and I am sorry if I let anyone down. I really am sorry. I'll be back, stronger, better. Reborn. I feel like shit, I feel so ashamed. I'm sorry.
I love you,
Wow. Nah man, we love you, on some real shit. You haven’t let anyone down and please stop being so hard on yourself. Maybe that very high standard is what makes you feel sad. Don’t apologize. The only person you owe anything to is yourself, and you taking those steps should not be followed with an apology. We got you, bro. And again, to reiterate, WOW.
That post, my dear friends and fellow Cudders, is bravery. The bravest of the brave. Hell, I tried to take my life years back and my own family hid it from other members of the family so that shows you the shame and taboo that goes along with it. So to step up willingly and use his own words to tell us fans and fam how he feels is some other level shit. It really is. The bravado of hip hop as of late is not bravado at all. Waving a gun and wagging a cock back and forth. Weak shit. This post Cudi wrote to fans was the complete opposite of that. This was that bad dream we all have of showing up at high school or work naked. Yet, Kid Cudi walked into class naked, willingly. You try to tell me that is not brave I will smack your face with a handful of baby powder. Listen to this song Trauma off his Speedin’ Bullet to Heaven (a name that scared me TBH) album and tell me you would not be tormented if you were him:
Anyone can act tough as a shield, but the toughest people alive let us know when they drop to one knee. And hell, if they are an inspiration to you like Kid Cudi is to me, you take a knee too, even if only for a second out of respect.
Had this been anyone else and anyone else in control of their PR you would have gotten some straight “Cudi is drinking a lot and going to rehab a bit” PR release from some soulless agent, and that is NOT what we got. What we got was the exact opposite of that. A naked, exposed soul was letting the world know he was sick of suffering and was going to try and change that (and NOT with the barrel of a gun in his mouth, thankfully).
Our problem is we see the wrong things as brave now. We really do. Stupid things like people skydiving from outer space and not dying we see as heroic and not stupid (which it REALLY is) and we refuse to recognize when people do truly brave things, like Kid Cudi did here. We put people on pedestals for picking up a piece of trash off the ground to ‘save the earth’, but then don’t say anything to someone who tries to save themselves. What? Even my friends on Facebook who have been institutionalized (I know at least 5) never told anyone outside me and few others. THAT is how taboo it is. Yet here you are talking about a guy who admitted that to one hundred million people on Facebook. How is that not brave? How does that not raise the standard of how we treat ourselves? It is and it does, period, and we owe thanks to Scott Mescudi for that.
In a world where Cudii was surrounded by people who use massive shields of egocentricity to survive and thrive, he chose to lower his shields and be real. The man deserves all the help he needs as well as some serious accolades once he pulls through this. And yes, I said ONCE he pulls through, because I know he will. I know this because the few of us who are actually brave enough to admit they are scared and sad and overwhelmed are the ones who also get saved because they were brave enough to admit that in the first place.
Also, I know the business really well. There is NO WAY his agent wanted him to do that. They would have pushed him to put a spin on it. Drugs, sex addiction, any of those. But HE chose to post what he did to his fans and HE chose to get himself help, and that is what cements Kid Cudi as one of my heroes.
Because he has the balls to reach his own hand in and use his music to pull his fans and fam from the darkness, all whilst admitting that very darkness is swallowing him alive, too. It doesn’t get much braver than that. So I say kudos to Kid Cudi.
It was brave what you did, and many in life wouldn’t have had the same courage to be as honest as you. May you truly findthe peace in your soul that you deserve, may you realize the impact your music has had on us and helped keep so many of us here, and know, the darkness may be big, but your courage and presence and strenth is bigger, real fucking talk.
You held us up, so like I said, only fair you let us do the same for you now. And remember what you said to me that got me through a sickeningly sad and self destructive period in my own life:
At the end of the day I’m walking with the heart of a lion, the heart of a lion.
It’s true, Scott. You really are, and you got this, dude.
Oh, and thank you for being so brave. That shit isn’t easy. I been there. I will use a favorite proverb here to sum this up and help you see:
You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying overhead, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair.
You, my friend, are preventing just that, and that takes the strongest of all souls. May you find the peace you seek and you may your soul reach a place of contentment it deserves. Because hell, we all deserve peace. And don’t forget, Cudi, you are Unfuckwittable, and how many people can say that?