So it goes...you are placed into a room, and the room is empty except for two stands displaying “food” you can consume. On one of the stands is a rotted, fetid, old, leathery steak covered by flies and crawling with maggots. The other stand offers up what looks to be a bowl of cat vomit littered with remnants of food you would never digest willingly. Suddenly a man in a white coat walks in and asks you which of the two stands you will eat from. You think and mull it over and torture yourself. Which one of these two AWFUL culinary curses I am going to willingly ingest? Then it hits you. YOU walked into the room and acted hungry, but what if you changed your mind and decided you would rather die than shove either of those abominations into your maw? So you simply tell the man in the coat the truth. They both look like shit and I am not choosing either. That, in essence, sums up how I feel about our next presidential election, and I know I am not the only one who feels this way. We are a generation (two actually, X and millennials) who have finally thrown up our hands. We know better. Either way we are getting shit to eat, whether we like it or not, so does it matter if we pick the maggot steak or the cat vomit? No. Either way we KNOW the end result will make us sick.
Now before I go any further, I would like to callback to an old episode of South Park from 2004, which explains our current situation better than any political pundit or self righteous internet jackass on the internet can:
And the funny thing is, he votes for the turd sandwich, and the giant douche wins, and then he goes on to make the point that his vote was futile and he was right in the first place. There is no “happy ending” when it comes to shit like this. Now do I need to tell you that Trump is a giant douche and Clinton is a stinking turd sandwich? No. The smartest of us already know Trump is f*cked beyond words and Hillary has more bodies behind her than most gangsters, so how can you willingly vote for someone when you hate both people and know they will further the ruination of this country? With either choice the line will finally be divided. Gone will be the middle class and the world will be two classes within a decade, rich and poor. It is sad but true, and all of us feel it in the wallet and purse already that we are not going to be in the high rises with the rich, popping our thousand dollar bottles of champagne. How do you bring yourself to vote for someone who you KNOW is essentially a puppet of the faceless people who are in positions of higher power we don’t even know about, who all push the same agenda? And on top of that, we already fell for this “Hope” and Change” bullshit in the post Bush Obama era. President Bush (version two) helped usher in a war that seemingly will never end, lied about weapons of mass destruction, fed on the country’s fears (post 9/11 was a very tense America for a while that he used to his advantage with a color coded system that cradled us into submission). As a result of that, we all fell for Obama. We were filled with hope, bursting at the seams. A younger, cooler, (clearly brighter) guy is going to be stepping in after the Bush war horse frat party that ran this country for 8 years, and Obama will bring us change. I voted Obama, I will say it out loud, because I believed in the message he was sending. In layman’s terms, Obama was like “everything is f*cked up and I can see that, but I will fix it” and for whatever reason (probably the constant barrage of awesome propaganda), we believed him but in the end, he, too, failed us. Truth is, Obama was when it clicked for a great deal of us. That loss of faith in democracy and lost of faith in the fact that we even have a voice, because it was clear he just another “man in charge” pushing the same agenda that all the presidents have pushed over the years. Pretend to change healthcare for the better and make it really confusing and inaccessible to MANY. Guy was all about marijuana reform before he was voted in, and once voted in, closed more medical marijuana dispensaries than our last two presidents combined. It is funny that the Hope and Change posters were used for his campaign, because they were things he truly failed to deliver to a country who needed it desperately. Now we are left with the empty gazes (and minds) of two souls who I and many, frankly, want NOTHING to do with. But there was a quick moment of false hope, and well played to those who pulled this off. I am of course, talking about Bernie “the man” Sanders.
Of all the things to do, they dangled Bernie Sanders in our faces like a carrot, and I knew immediately there was no way (as much as I loved the guy). To anyone who dares preach politics to me, I would tell them, yes, I feel the bern and Bernie is awesome, but he also had NO CHANCE. The government would NEVER allow someone who truly wanted to make genuine changes for the benefit of the people into the presidency. It is not something they would risk, as the 1% driven America took decades to form. They are not going to let one person with an actual soul sully that, so they dangle them, every election. Those carrots of hope in front of us on a string and we chase it and chase it, not realized the string is taped to a stick on our own head and we will NEVER catch it. But they are smart enough to dangle it, and sure enough, everyone I knew went Sanders nuts, seemingly unaware of how this country works and how he had no chance, ever (as awesome as he was). They dangle the carrot so us 99%ers won’t wake up and revolt. Then, right before the actual election comes, the reality gets laid out. They take the carrot (and hope itself) away and leave us with a giant douche and a turd sandwich. Hey, here are two assholes with terrible histories and empty souls who run on private agendas,and BOTH will inevitably assf*ck your version of an ideal America during their term(s). Now Which one do you want?
Nope. not playing anymore, sorry.
And that was it for us. The wisest of us, anyway. The curtain hiding Oz’s true identity has been pulled back, leaving us realizing we want NO part of this mirage. There was a stupid time in pop culture when Puffy (or P-Dizzle or Sir Puffage or whatever the hell his name is this week) was pushing a “VOTE OR DIE” agenda (still a super weird slogan to me), but have you noticed anyone doing that this time? Anywhere stars are urging you to get out and get voting? Any special episodes of TV shows where they push the agenda of voting? No, because it finally feels like the world has woken up collectively and realized, any way we lube or or even if we pick our predator, we are getting raped regardless, and we will walk in the other direction instead.
So what has happened is we have realized democracy is not democracy. They allow us to think it as such so we feel like we have some say and power and voice, but we all know now. It is the ILLUSION of choice, and nothing is worse than that. It is just like being offered two different plates with shit on them (or maggot steak and cat vomit). You can’t win either way so why even play the game? Here’s the funny thing we just realized, collectively, though.
We are just gonna tell you to f*ck yourself and eat your own shit while we walk away. This country can be brought down by a leathery, tanned, out of touch millionaire who knows nothing about it, or this world can be dragged down further by a lifeless hag who feeds on destruction and power. Thing is, I am having no part of this shit-show. And I know I speak for many when I say that. It’s just such a shame, but so it goes.
So it goes...
Couldn’t have said it better myself, and trust me, I just tried with over 1000 words.
Remy is the rarest Pokemon of all, and cannot be caught by anyone (even child services).
He lives in a velvet cave in the Northeast, and if you say his name three times in a mirror, he appears dressed in assless chaps.
Follow him on Twitter and Facebook if you hate yourself enough.