Tekashi 69, aka Daniel Hernandez, might have been famous for looking like a drawn-on cabbage patch kid avatar, but his reputation dropped lower than we thought possible after testifying against the Bloods and his former crew, the Nine Trey Gangsta Bloods.
After pleading guilty to nine serious felon counts and receiving a sentence of 47 years up to life, Tekashi has been scrambling to save his own ass by name-dropping all of his business affiliates left and right.
The thing is, if your business associates are one of the most notorious gang leaders around, you probably should abide by the ol’ “snitches get stitches” adage, which proved true at the rapper’s most recent court hearing. Almost half the seats were dappled in red, filled by Blood-affiliated members.
The dude even needed a secret tunnel and more security than Obama just to access the court room. It’s gonna be a hairy ride.
In an effort to become slightly less conspicuous, he’s swapped out his embarrassing skittle braids for more demure, darker tone. As the sneakiest but most publicized informant on the internet right now, we’d say that a dye job is probably the least of Tekashi’s worries.
In a ridiculous trajectory of events, Tekashi 6ix9ine has proven himself to have less street cred than Martha Stewart, who faced her prison time like a boss and din’t rat anyone out.
Ironically, the very recognizable man-child might enter witness protection, but they might have to leave him on a mountain peak, because that’s the only safe space that exists for the rapper right now. Apparently, the US Marshals Service who runs witness protection would “pay for Mr. Hernandezs signature face tattoos”. That would be doing us all a favor, TBH. Stay tuned for future updates.