Understanding The Modern F*ckgirl

Take a second to think about your first love, the one you would do anything for, the one who you could honestly see yourself marrying in a few years. Then think about when you two broke up. Did you cry? Did you do something spiteful? Or did you just let it go? 

Sometimes when you experience your first love and, once you are disappointed, you may be unwilling to actively express feelings for other people. In Psychology Today, Carl E. Pickhardt states “Break ups of in-love relationships in high school are particularly painful for the one who is broken off and feels hurt, helpless, betrayed, abandoned, or rejected. Sometimes the response to being jilted in an in-love relationship seems to be sex-linked.” (Pickhardt- Psychology Today)  

Because the individual who is broken up with feels deserted and abandoned, by the person who they felt so deeply for, this creates a type of individual that has recently reached new heights in pop culture; the ‘f*ckboi’ and the ‘f*ckgirl’. The ‘f*ckboi’ is societally acceptable because, as a general rule, boys are encouraged, if not expected, to be sexually active with an exorbitant amount of women. The ‘f*ckgirl’ however, has no such luxury. 

A girl who thinks shes hot and the shit and attempts to show it without trying but it is obvious that she is. They tend to be extremely unreadable and mess with guys heads. Though they claim to not be a hoe they're usually closet whores and will cheat. They will show no emotion to a guy that cares but fall in love with guys that just want to bang and bail.
-Urban Dictionary”

In my opinion, this definition is not only sexist, but shows how the modern ‘f*ckgirl’ is misunderstood in society. If I were to write the definition of a ‘f*ckgirl’ it would be something like the following: 
“F*ckgirl: (noun) A woman who has been hurt so many times she is done with feeling love for anybody else, only to be hurt again. She is beautiful, and just needs to be shown that she will not be heartbroken again.”

This is my logic; it was noted in randomhistory.com that couples usually wait six to eight dates before they become exclusive. Assuming the average date lasts one hour, that is six to eight hours of quality time that a girl has with a partner. In those six and eight hours, the girl has decided that, for the time being, she doesn’t want to see anybody else, and that person will become her person until they break up.  It was also noted that the average time for breakups was generally three to five months.

Let’s do the math: five months is 3650 hours. Add to that the eight hours it took to properly get to know them; that alone is 3658 hours.  Factor in the emotional part of it, factor in all the ‘I love you(s)’, all the ‘You’re beautiful/perfect/my soul mate/ my everything’s’. Give that two hours, total. 

Finally, factor in all the time it took for her to believe that. Factor in the minutes she stood in the mirror trying to see what you said you saw ( 120 at least). Factor in the minutes she thought about texting you something, or thought about saying something, but then deleted it, or didn’t say it, because she didn’t want to make it awkward ( 90 minutes). 
Then add the time she spent crying because she was no longer enough for you (60 minutes). Add the time she spent trying to believe that it wasn’t her fault ( 75 minutes). That in itself is two hours and fifteen minutes.

In total? 3663 hours and forty five minutes. 3663 hours and forty five minutes spent loving, believing, trusting, and then losing, sobbing, hating yourself, hating them, being in shock, and wondering why this happened when you were still in love, wondering if you will ever again be loved, but not fake this time, for real, and for forever. And in the case of the modern ‘f*ckgirl’, wondering if you really want to go through all that again.

And can you blame her?


Ely Murray is a student at William Peace University in Raleigh, NC. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram @agirlcalledely