We Need To Talk About Corey

I just saw something. Something I not only cannot unsee but cannot cease my diseased brain from thinking about. A moment so grandiose in its discomfort level than my penis literally shrunk down and hid inside my belly whilst I was gazing upon its sheer, mesmerizing trainwreck-edness. Rather than speak of this moment, I would rather sit back for a second, hand that exact moment to you, and then us gather around this very figurative fireplace so we can all properly assess what we saw, what we should do next, and what we are all feeling as a result of it. What I speak of is the following video, but please heed my warning. Something about this is so weird and broken and awkward, it WILL eat a part of your soul you will NEVER get back, so treat this like the cursed video from the movie The Ring. You may die in seven dies after watching it. I only watched it a day ago but can already feel the curse sinking into the marrow of my bones. Proceed with caution and know, I loved you enough to warn you.
Now for the truly bravest and boldest of you, I present said video, with one final warning you can turn and run before you trip into this rabbit hole and get eaten alive.

Still here?
Okay, here we go:

I know, I know. You feel beaten and confused. You have no idea what you just witnessed but you know nothing about it was okay or acceptable. You feel like you watched a show give someone the okay to walk out on stage and slice their own throat. It was weird, it was jarring, but now the big question arises:

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH COREY FELDMAN?

Well, a lot, apparently, and not without justification, either. Trust me, read on. You would have turned out WORSE than this had you survived what we he did.

Hollywood’s Inside (Open) Secret

There is a rather scathing documentary about this very subject that just came out (and was just swept under the carpet by the movie industry because it is spot-on with what it spells out for us about the Hollywood elite). Please check out promo below:

Now to bring this article back around, who was the former child actor they focused on for that bit? Corey fucking Feldman. Starting to put all the pieces together? Don’t worry, you still have NO idea how weird this shit gets yet. I, having written and looked into many dark subjects before this, knew about this. Hollywood is a super sexually deviant place where often, young boys are used as sexual currency. Meaning, they are passed around like sex slaves, drugged up, fucked, and then sent to another studio and group of older men who just want to assault them to meet their own sick needs. It sucks, and I wish I could murder every one of those pedophiles, but the reality is, this is HOW IT WORKS IN HOLLYWOOD. The guy who directed the last X-men movie (and most of them), for example, is but one man among many who are known for this behavior and DO NOT GET REPRIMANDED. So now let’s get back to Corey Feldman and how the rampant sexual abuse he suffered led him to grow into an adult who has not progressed at all, mentally, past his childhood years (which his trauma has locked him inside, unfortunately, but thus, the “justified” I mentioned earlier). This is the moment when I stopped laughing at how viral this whole thing went and began to feel remorse. 

Corey and Corey

In feldman’s own life, the fame is where the darkness starts. Everyone who knows who Corey Feldman is associates with him the other Corey, also known as Haim. The Corey of the two who seemed to have slightly more potential but whose demons literally got the best of and is now dead. Here is where shit gets extra fucked (literally) and no one knows or really talks about it. Corey Feldman introduced Corey Haim to the men who were raping him, and they began raping Haim as well. These years of rape at the hands of adult men took a huge toll on both Coreys. Burt somehow Haim, of the two, died. And he died as an end result of his friend Corey Feldman introducing him to the drugs that would kill him and the men that would rape and ruin him.

On top of that. Haim dies first. This is when Corey Feldman’s TRUE insanity started. He had been raped a shitload by some really famous people, and caused the same thing to happen to his (basically) brother, which killed him. Corey (like most of the world) had no idea how to handle this at all. Cue the descent into genuine madness, which as you will see by the video below, has been going on for years now.

Here is a grown man who is clearly stunted and frozen back in the time of his abuse. But wait, it gets even fucking weirder. I know, I can’t believe it, either.

Corey’s Angels (or) Pay Per Bang Prostitutes?

So you see the angels playing behind Corey Feldman on that Today Show appearance from the first video featured above? They are not some band he hired. Pretty sure none of them were even playing instruments. (Quick cruel joke, looks like the only thing you need to get into Corey’s backing band is blonde hair and yeast infection), and that is because they are not who he says they are. Angels my asshole. They are women he has been whoring to lonely, pathetic people he hosts orgies for.

Not even fuycking kidding. Wish I was. Like I said at the start, this rabbit hole is no joke, which is why the laughing decreases steadily the deeper you go.


Yes, he hosted parties he would charge men stupid amounts of money to attend that many called orgies but Corey Feldman said they weren’t. Side note, they were fucking orgies for anyone who doesn’t know how to add two plus two.

So Corey’s Angels we saw ‘playing’ with him in that Today Show performance that seems like it was shit directly out of the Devil’s asshole into our monitors was actually Corey Feldman dance-emulating a pop star who MAY HAVE RAPED HIM IN HIS CHILDHOOD whilst gyrating in front of a bunch of prostitutes pretending to play instruments like this is some 80’s music video:

Now I CAN’T be the only one putting all these elements together and seeing a very sad picture of a grown man reverting back to childhood behavior because he was raped and fucked up and drugged out and never really got the help or guidance he needed, right? The overwhelming sadness of all this quickly trumped any humor I initially found in it.

And for those who are questioning the ‘reverting back to childhood’ diagnosis I just gave and want an example. First, watch the lead-in video in this article (the Today Show miscarriage) and then watch this:

Now, outside of adding a band of, um, angels (lol’ing forever) to back him up and adding “singing” (if that is, indeed, what we has doing on The Today Show) and you have the exact same Corey seen above in the classic shitfest of cheesy awesomeness that is Dream a Little Dream. Now keep in mind, Dream a Little Dream is a film that came out in 1989. That was 27 years ago, when he was just 18 years old. Yet here (as of yesterday, 9/19/2016) we see Corey exhibiting the EXACT same behavior, only it is ten times weirder now because he is like 50 and this shit makes no sense. No, what I am telling you is what we are laughing at is maybe, not something we should laugh at. This is where the whole “we need to talk about Corey” title came from. This is a troubled dude fighting demons and the demons are clearly winning. You are telling me he has NO ONE in his life who could have pulled him aside and been like “dude, you okay, this shit is really bad and weird and you should NOT do it”? That means as funny as we may think the trainwreck is, we are doing nothing to stop it or recognize it or offer this weird motherfucker some help, nor is anyone in his own life, clearly.

If you read my last article on here, you know I know child rape victims well (that last sentence I just typed was the worst thing I ever typed and there were probably a million ways I could have worded it better) but I also know how to reciognize warning signs and calls for help. I will admit, I was in awe and laughing when I first saw the video, but once I put the whole thing together, the end result was a complete picture that made me very sad, because….

We Need To Help This Dude (I Think)

Really, now that this is all laid out for me, laughing might not be the best way to handle someone who is crying for help. As a matter of fact, it might just be the worst way, actually... 
None of you may have seen it coming, If you were on my Facebook yesterday, you would have seen me laughing at this. Now that I have sat with it for 24 hours and realized what I really saw (the ugly midway point of a downward spiral to end all downward spirals) I no longer found myself laughing. I found myself sad. This is like Amy Winehouse right before we ALL KNEW SHE WAS GOING TO DIE but just chose, as a whole of pop culture, to make fun of her for months until she finally did die, then we just said out loud, SHE HAD A PROBLEM, but yet, we probably only made it worse by poking it and perpetuating it. I will admit. I had one of the first sticks in this case and was poking Corey and laughing, but my tune changed quick. Were you raped as a child? Did you get help? Can you imagine your adult mental state if you had been passed around and fucked bye every male adult you were told to trust? On top of that, you introduce your best friend to it, and it ends up killing him but you live. Now THAT is a hell I would not want to be roasting in daily, yet I think that is just what is happening to Corey Feldman.

He is finally bottoming out HARD, and maybe instead of laughing and pointing (of which, I myself am guilty of before writing this), maybe we just need to extend a hand to him and ask him if he needs to talk. Dude’s got some demons, but maybe with some help and if we jump early enough, we can kill them so they don’t kill him.

Regardless, laughing at the mentally ill is kinda not cool, and if nothing else, I am sorry for whatever role I took in that initially. I was just so in shock at the video I didn’t know what I was allowed to feel.

Also, in hindsight, a big fuck you to whoever allowed that to be featured on The Today Show. The producer knew that was a shit show and they exploited a mentally insane rape victim for their own ratings, which is really fucked up. I may have laughed at first because this awful age of internet cruelty is unavoidable, but at least I woke up to it and am trying to do SOMETHING.
Gonna try to tweet this and email this to the man himself. Honestly, I would take him out for pancakes, coffee, and see if he needed to talk. I bet at the end of it he would feel a little more sane.

But one thing I wont do is sit back and watch this anymore. It is a scared, sick child crying for help in the guise of a man and the only way he knows how. We ignore that, we are the bad guys. Sorry for laughing, but I am more sorry this world trained me to be like this. To the same degree, is it our job to save him, when half of us can barely save ourselves? 

No.

But the best of us can at least try.

 

Remy is the rarest Pokemon of all, and cannot be caught by anyone (even child services).
He lives in a velvet cave in the Northeast, and if you say his name three times in a mirror, he appears dressed in assless chaps.
Follow him on Twitter and Facebook if you hate yourself enough.